Thursday, September 20, 2007


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"When I first saw the pictures I went like, 'Oh My God!' (sigh)", was fifteen year old Kaitlynn Dryer's reaction when she opened up her copy of Teen Weekly to be confronted with topless pictures of stern, supple Russian leader Vladimir Putin.

Putin was photographed on a vacation in the Siberian mountains with Prince Albert II of Monaco. The shoot took a turn for the manly, as shirts were abandoned and it became something of a "coming out" for Putin as a model of Aryan perfection.

The pictures of the fishing trip, however, were just the beginning. Next week the 2008 Vladamir Putin calendar goes on mandatory sale in Russia. Everyone will be lining up to buy them tomorrow because they simply have to, by law.

The calendar promises to be a departure for Putin. In addition to more fishing shots there will also be stills of:

- Putin as a firefighter

- Putin as an open-collard pirate

- Putin the topless chemist

Other outfits and locations are being placed under heavy secrecy, but there's talk of possible "Farmer Putin", "Zorro Putin", and "Putin the American Police Officer" photos as well. The information was released on the internet, but the Russian sources have been declared missing as of 20 minutes after posting the breaking news.

As a bonus feature each section of the Putin 2008 calendar can be torn out and placed easily into any locker, cubicle, or auto repair shop.

With Putin so hot, out there, and easily accessible he's really taking the ex-KGB strongman vibe to a whole new level. This month Putin might end up being on more magazine covers than Brittany, Paris, and Nicole Richie combined. Putin's Men's Health magazine cover story will coincide with a Time Magazine cover story about his possible role in the murders of several well known dissidents most notably Russian spy, and former lover to George Soros, Alexander Litvinenko and nosy unembedded reporter Anna Politkovskaya.

Some paranoid over-observers believe that Putin's show of physical strength is actually a symbolic presentation of political power. Putin's critics say his latest round of super hot pictures show a defiant Putin, not ready to step down from power as he's set to do next year. His critics also go so far as to accuse Putin of having both Politkovskaya and Litvinenko murdered because they were critical of his administration.

A spokesperson for the Putin administration shrugged off the obviously slanderous accusations stating, "It's false! Anyone who knows anything about cloak and dagger operations which are used to silence overzealous traitors knows that Putin would never have enough time to build firm, solid chest muscles and plot covert murder at the same time. Let alone with the time he must spend on his upper arms!"

Putin's supporters see the backlash against their leader's stellar photo shoot as more an issue of jealousy than political concern. "People are coming up with all these rumors, stories, and fictions to try and discredit Putin, for what? They are jealous. They are jealous of Putin's physical prowess, evenhanded leadership, and vein laid-en forearms. They are trying to bring down this gorgeous man so adored by pre-pubescent girls and people the world over."

As for high school student Kaitlynn Dryer, she's made up her mind. "Putin's hot. I think he should be leader of the whole world. I'd totally vote for him."

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