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Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!

A recent Associated Press analysis has shed light on the dark bottomless pit of burning cash that is the growing welfare state. The AP has discovered that nearly one in six people have their hands out, palm open for free drugs, food, and other luxury benefits the liberal Democrats trade in exchange for votes. Many top financial analysts on Wall Street credit the over taxed welfare system for the influx in unemployment, obesity, and single motherhood.

"Women actually get MORE benefits for being SINGLE mothers than MARRIED mothers!" Sam Reynolds of the Project For Disassociated Access points out. "This welfare system doesn't just need an overhaul. We've got to haul the whole thing with an under-haul, overhaul, side-haul, whatever. Just, get rid of it!"

Educated welfare critics now realize that the biggest perpetrators of welfare crime are "single mothers". They are lured away from the arms of caring men by the benefits offered by liberal Democrats and Clinton leftovers who refuse to cherish the sanctity of family values. Reynolds astutely observes, "The liberals use welfare like a dealer uses crack. They get the people hooked."

Wade Horn, the Bush administration's point man on welfare reform realizes this and adds, "The true goal of welfare reform should be self-sufficiency." Research has shown that once a person is self sufficient, that person no longer needs welfare.

Looks like welfare might as well not even exist.