A federal appeals court panel ruled in favor of National Security recently by allowing the U.S. Navy to conduct necessary, high powered sonar exercises off the coast of Southern California. The swift, logical reversal of an activist judge's order to ban the practice has prompted liberal subversionists to try and halt the protection of innocent American lives in the name of environmentalism.
The National Resource Defense Council, a sister group of the ACLU and Klu Klux Klan, has all ready filed a borderline-terrorist lawsuit to halt the use of a defense sonar which has currently been patented by the U.S. Armed Forces under the name of "Freedom Waves". The NRDC claims that the sonar, which lobs underwater sound bursts, is so loud that it actually kills whales.
Patriotic 9th Circuit Court of Appeals judge Andrew Klienfeld spoke for the majority of Americans stating, "The public does have a very considerable interest in preserving...relatively scarce whales." However, he explained his support for the sonar tests stating, "We are engaged in a war in two countries."
What many so-called environmentalists fail to point out is fact that whales have sonars of their own which can give the Navy sonars a run for their money. In fact, many see the underwater sonar tests as a form of instant karma for whales. Naval engineer Thomas Gordon explains, "Whales f**k with our sonars ALL THE TIME. You have no idea what it's like being involved in a high stakes National Security sonar drill and you can't hear anything because a couple of whales are talking about some useless bulls**t."
Experts in all fields are advising Americans, who are more concerned with fighting 9-11 than sucking up to some over-sized fish, not to take all their anger out on the whales. Based on careful consideration their anger should be directed toward groups like the NRDC and it's co-horts like Code-Pink and the Esalen Institute. Frustrated citizen Al Paulo shakes his head and mourns, "We know it isn't the whales who are undermining National Security, but you can't help but get mad at them just the same." Paulo then proceeded to throw his hat on the ground and kick it twice.
PLN's own ecological expert Fran Barlson gives a more level headed explanation of why the whales actually BENEFIT from high powered sonar testing, "If it's in the best interest of American National Security, it's in the best interests of whale security. America is the only country that would ever allow groups like the NRDC and Greenpeace to exist. If this world were suffering under global fundamental Islamic rule, as most liberals would have it, whales would be used from baleen to blowhole for every atom of every ounce of sweet whale fat, meat, and bone to keep the savage roving tribes warm for one more hedonistic night. Any whales that die from these sonar tests? Heroes."
In the light of all that evidence, the NRDC still vows to expend all their energy to see to it that Osama Bin Laden and Al-Qaeda in Iraq have a free and easy ocean pathway to American shores by coining fancy whale-death buzzwords like "acoustic trauma" and "mass strandings".
Barlson retorts, "If they're expecting to see dead whales crowd the shores like zombie-Grunion, that's just not going to happen. Not that they wouldn't love it if it did. Everybody knows that nothing makes an environmentalist feel more self satisfied than a bunch of dead whales."