In an act of blockbuster diplomacy France's brave new President Nicolas Sarkozy called for swift, unilateral, and/or nuclear military action against the terrorist nation of Iran. Out of evolutionary cowardice, however, the clearly French President didn't say whether or not his country would participate in such an imminent, morally justified action.
American patriots are breathing a sigh of relief as Sarkozy turns out to be a Frenchy they can finally deal with. Earl Hutcherson calls it like it is from his front porch saying, "Chir-ac was just one of them bad apples. If we can get a couple more Sarkozys in Congress and Latin America we might end up living in a peaceful world after all."
Senior Pentagon spokesperson Ed Randal took the level headed position in his assessment of a possible war against Iran stating, "Iran is almost ALL radical Islamics...Islamis. You know what I mean. There are zero Iranian civilians left who aren't rabid extremists in the mold of Bin Laden, Moussaoui, and Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez."
Foreign policy experts called everyone they know and love inside Iran and have told them to get out after Sarkozy took his bold stand. "Right now Iran is wringing yellow liquid out of it's socks," continues Hutcherson, "If the French want your ass on a plate, you KNOW you must have done something wrong. Anyone with electricity will tell you that a French green light basically gives the United States the "Go Ahead!" it demands to launch a full scale blitz on the whole of Iran."
A recently retired Secretary of Defense stated in regard to the issue, "Getting France on board is like having the U.N., Butros Gali, and the whole Dali Lama crowd all in one. Bombs away."
Some are saying that Sarkozy's "rhetoric" comes from "out of the bleu", and have gone so crazy as to criticize Sarkozy for his strength and resolve in the face of a sure-fire Islamotastrophe.
As Sarkozy made his historic remarks his popularity amongst the people of France has soared to heights of 60%-70% approval.
President Bush weighed in on Sarkozy's grand testimony profoundly stating, "This guy...sorry. Fella. This fella, Sarkozy, is a fella committed to something that I think is...um...very...worth while, uh, and that's Middle East peace process. Which of course is, uh, can only be achieved by rooting out all Al Qaeda terrorists like Zarqawi and 9-11."
Sarkozy even went the extra mile to suggest that France might actually end up being "OK" with the war in Iraq if America cleans Iran's clock in an orderly fashion.
While still a stubborn believer in so called "global warming", Sarkozy seems to have taken an even and honest approach toward every other issue.
Looks like we might finally be able to meet our old friends half way with the reinstatement of "French Freedom Fries."