Thursday, September 20, 2007


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"Karl Rove is movin' on down the road," President Bush told reporters outside his Crawford, TX ranch. Rove then stepped forward to announce that he was stepping down as Bush's senior adviser and deputy chief of staff in order to spend more time with his family.

"I...uh...I been talkin(g) to Karl for a while about, uh...his desire to...spend more time with Darby and Andrew," President Bush explained to a stunned nation.

Presidential historians all agree that the average American people do not understand the pull of family until they're actually in a situation like Rove's. The natural human instinct to want to be with ones family, to spend more time with them as it were, has led to the ends of many bright political careers. Most point to Richard Nixon as the most prime example of a man torn between service to one's country and spending time with precious family.

Historical psychologist Dale Thompson explains, "Here was a man so conflicted, in such need of family togetherness, that he organizes a purposefully botched "break in" so that his family wouldn't be saddled with the guilt of knowing they were the true reasons Nixon abandoned the most important office in the known world simply in order to spend more time with them."

The left wing media and Congress pounced on Rove like a gang of backed up sailors, flinging false accusations in his face. Both the Senate and House judiciary committees have promised to continue investigating Rove, after he leaves office, like a crazy ex. They've even threatened Rove with contempt of Congress for refusing to comply with various irrelevant subpoenas to testify about his role in re-vamping our currently partisan judicial system by ridding it of activist judges like Carol Lam who based every decision she made on her passionate desire for an open border policy. Rove, of course, refused to testify based on executive privilege which covers every White House employee from the President to Harriet Meirs to the White House dogs.

Rove's resignation was disclosed during an interview with PLN's own Dale Facklery, late Sunday night. The interview was ultimately plagiarized by the Wall Street Journal on Monday morning. In the interview Rove discusses the number one issue effecting all Americans in every aspect of their lives: immigration, and Rove's confidence that his agenda will be carried through even after his departure.

What comes across in Facklery's interview is a clean cut, straight, average American with a deep love of freedom and the American political system. It's a love he's acted on ever since he opened a tiny non-profit charity organization, Karl Rove & Co., in order to assist grass roots movements in the Texas political arena.

Just as the weak must always attack the strong in order to justify their pathetic existence, the entire left has called Rove's resignation the death of his agenda. Even Democratic Presidential hopeful John Edwards gussied up enough brawn to say of Rove's exit, "Good bye and good riddance," a phrase popularized by bathhouse homosexuals in 1860's London.

What Rove illustrates most clearly in his conversation with PLN's Facklery is that the prospects for complete implementation of his agenda have never been sweeter. With social security inches away from total privatization, the tax cuts set in stone, and Iraqis being freer than ever the only thing to be determined is whether or not Rove's last minute wish of repealed term limits will be carried through.

Many have often faulted Rove for being too brilliant in his execution of political strategy often seeing his greatest victories as debilitating failures. The most astute of political analysts know that in order to secure the permanent Republican majority of his dreams, Karl's Republicans needed to concede a minuscule amount of power to the Democrats for a limited time of two years. Thompson reminds us that Rove, "orchestrated a Republican Congressional defeat in order to remind the American people how bad the democratic party is at governing."

In order to celebrate his newly announced departure Rove will attend an honorary banquet hosted by Ahmed Chalabi and Talon News reporter Jeff Gannon who Rove says he's, "very, very, very much looking forward to reuniting with."

During his announcement at the Western White House Rove told the American people, "I will join those whom you meet in your travels. The ordinary Americans who tell you they're praying for you." To which Bush responded by looking strongly into Rove's eyes and pronouncing, "I'll be on the road behind you."

Unless Congress decides to do something about those out-of-date term limits.

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