Thursday, September 20, 2007


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The son of impeached former President Bill Clinton's movie star Vice President Al Gore has managed to use his father's status to take advantage of the court of law. In a move not unlike his father, who tried to steal the 2000 election by manipulating the justice system, Al Gore III managed to avoid the usually mandatory 20 years to life for Marijuana smuggling and possession of "illegal prescription drugs", which is is bribed-cop code for "meth". Instead Gore will spend 90 days in a drug rehabilitation retreat.

This complete slap to the sensitives of Lady Justice stems from a July 4th arrest when Gore was nabbed driving a "Hybrid" Prius at speeds above 100mph. The sheriff's deputies initially became suspicious considering that Prius cars begin to come apart at speeds of at least 62mph.

While inspecting the possible fake hybrid car the officers smelled marijuana and discovered a large brick of pure organic Blueberry Hill strain indica bud with massive crystallization. Along with the chronic, the officers also discovered a litany of illegally obtained prescription drugs including Vicodin, Xanax, Adderall, Sominex, Tylenol PM+, and Valium all of which could have been brought across the Mexican border by migrants hoping to score some quick cash off of sympathetic, drug addicted liberals like Gore.

Allan Stokke, Gore's lawyer, said that Al and Tipper are still supportive of their criminal son leading many leading psychologists to ask, "What does this kid have to do to get his parents disapproval, decapitate a faithfully celibate nun?"

Political analysts are all ready agreeing 100 percent that Gore III now officially has no chance of following his father's footsteps into public life. Ted Grogan of the political watchdog group Citizens for a United America points out, "There go his Presidential hopes, if he had any. Everybody knows that if you want to be a legitimate President you can't have any flagrant drug use of any kind in your known past. I think this kid might have inhaled."

The good news to come out of this is that if Gore fails to complete the state authorized treatment program, or if he's inevitably caught using drugs, he can be sent to prison. Many speculate that it's only a matter of time before Jr. gets caught making a bong out of his father's biodegradable "Inconvenient Truth" DVD boxes and ends up with the much deserved 20 years to life prison sentence.

Only then will justice have been served and we can start covering the stories that really matter like: How much money is Al Gore making off his Global Warming fantasy, really? And, how much weed can you buy with that?

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