Thursday, September 20, 2007


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Missed Opportunity

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez and 20,000 of his most rabid, mange-stricken fans gave confirmation to the largest strategical blunder of the "War on Terror": Not invading Venezuela FIRST. A soccer stadium in Buenos Aires became the smutty arena where Chavez, cutting a Mussolini-esque figure, riled up his toothless Klan calling President Bush an, "imperialist"(which simply means "good businessman"), a "gringo"(which is like them using the "n"word, but against white people), and calling for Bush's assassination stating that he is a "political cadaver".

A distinct majority of war analysts concur that this is a problem George W. Bush could have easily avoided if he had only gone into Venezuela sooner. Head of the United Foundation for Regime Change Studies Albert Gregory takes a page out of history to teach us a little about the present. "Bush really should have taken a lesson from his father who invaded Panama. That tiny little war really helped Bush senior gain the strength and confidence he needed to go on and win his Iraq war." So many in the CIA are slapping them selves in the head and crying, "If only we had invaded Venezuela as a warm up war!" Henry Brook, vice principal of the School of the Americas, fears it may be too late. "It's the ultimate tragedy. Everybody knows this Chavez is the number one threat to civilized human beings. He's Hitler times 5, but because of 9-11 everybody forgot and decided to go after Bin Laden in Iraq. Well Chavez only got stronger."

In fact Bush's War on Terror has only been like Popeye's Spinach to Chavez, strengthening his influence over terrorist nations across the globe whom he bribes with cheap oil, cocaine, and free red paramilitary jackets with berets. "He's best friends with Castro for C**st's sake!" adds a recently retired Secretary of Defense. Chavez, who receives most of his funding from Venezuela's rich oil reserves and George Soros, has been beefing up his military and is currently in negotiations with Iran to share some of those nukes Iran's been making.

The most sensible policy ever offered came from former Republican presidential candidate and world renowned Christian leader Pat Robertson who stated simply and firmly, "I don't know about this whole doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think we really oughta go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war."

Sound "imperialist" thinking, Gringo. Perhaps it's time to make Chavez the political cadaver...literally.

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