BREAKING NEWS! Shifty lawyer Howard K Stern has just filed Anna Nicole Smith's death-will in a California court. PLN's own Helga Von Streusel will break this story with muscle truck force tonight on a two and a half hour episode of "Off The Wire" (8pm Eastern).
She'll take us through the DNA drama wherein triumphant Aryan hero Lawrence Birkhead proved through seminal donation that he is IN FACT the father of wilted American legend Anna Nicole Smith's most valuable baby. Helga will spoon feed us the rest of this story as if to so many custard filled babies.
Now begins the gladiatory court battle-thon over who will finally fill their pockets with the contested money of Anna Nicole's also dead husband J. Howard Marshall(no relation to Howard K Stern).
If Anna Nicole's ghost ends up winning the money from the late Oil Tycoon in court then it will either go to:
A) Howard K Stern, who today filed Anna's will naming himself the executor of her estate.
B) Larry Birkhead, who has full ownership of the baby.
C) Prince Friedrich Von Anhult of Germany, who still claims to perhaps being the father of Anna Nicole's baby saying, "Look, I gave my DNA to lots of people. Wether or not they decided to test it...I just don't know."
PLN's own financial analyst and host of "Market Minute" Bernard "Bernie" Hernandez puts it on the table, "Who ever wins this court battle is sure to rake in some serious CA-CHIIIIING!! The catch is that this lady swallowed her money 16 times daily, as needed. The only cash Anna Nicole really has is the money she actually doesn't have. In order to get that massive Ca-Ching they need to tap the geezer geyser!"